Memories . . .

The other night, a group of us girls met for a quick after-work run/walk. It was great to get out and stretch my legs for the first time in a while. I've been working out in the house, but not running -- at least not since . . . well, it's been a while. ;-) 

As girls often do, we got to talking on our run. The topic: weight loss/dieting and our goals. (Duh!)

At one point one of my sweet, amazing and beautiful friends, said "honey, I know you don't think you look good right now, but I think you look great." I thanked her -- because she's wonderful -- but realized in that moment, that this woman had never known me at any size other than my current size.

In fact, I barely remember myself at my thinnest. I think I have in my possession only 2 or 3 photos of myself at that point in my life. I don't even have them in digital format, so I've decided to share reproductions with you . . . 

Both of these photos were taken almost 10 years ago, when I was (briefly) at my fittest and thinnest. I had graduated from college, was living in Knoxville, Tennessee, and trying to figure out what to do with my life. I worked part-time at a health club (in the daycare center), and took classes at the University of Tennessee in costume design and fine arts. We (me and two girl friends) lived in an extremely shady apartment complex and I think I paid $350/month in rent. It took the cops 2.5 minutes to get to our complex -- it was on the regular route (and, yes, we actually timed it once). 

I didn't have much to do with my days other than work, walk at least a mile to/from class and spend 1.5 hours/day at the gym. I didn't have much a food budget either, so I couldn't afford to each much -- and when I did, I chose protein-rich, low carb options. 

I can't even begin to tell you why I was so dedicated. I would like to say that it was the accessibility of the gym -- and maybe that was part of it -- but, I think I had just gotten tired of being overweight. I made a commitment -- found support of friends/family -- went full throttle, and it WORKED!

With that in mind, why is it so much harder this time around? I. don't. know. It's like I'm stuck in my own head. Why am I having so much trouble calling up the same dedicated, regimented success story of 10 years ago? I haven't changed that much -- have I?? 

Maybe I have. Maybe I haven't.

But, there is one thing that has DEFINITELY changed since 10 years ago. My lifestyle. These days, I wake up and drive 20 minutes to work. Then I sit at my desk for 4 hours, and I drive to pick-up lunch. (I eat out for lunch -- A LOT.) Then, I drive back to the office and sit at my desk for another 4 hours. I drive home from work, and we eat dinner. I *might* workout for a 1/2 hour, and then I sit in front of the computer for another couple hours while I edit photos, play on Facebook/Twitter or blog. I end up going to sleep around midnight or 1am -- regularly -- and start the cycle all over again the next day. 

Not that you needed the help, but I underlined the key differences. ;-)

I drive instead of walking places. I sit instead of moving. I eat out instead of cooking for myself, and I only dedicate a 1/2 hour to working out -- occasionally.

So, how am I going to find that dedicated, hard-working and committed workout queen again? I'm going to change my lifestyle. I will find ways to walk places whenever possible. I will move more rather than sit for hours in one place. I will not eat out as often or as much, and I will dedicate more than a 1/2 hour to working out -- daily.

WALK. MOVE MORE. DON'T EAT OUT. WORKOUT.

Wow! Narrowing it down to essentially four points of focus has suddenly made this journey a lot less intimidating! Hallelujah! I don't know how much weight I'll lose making only these changes, but I do know that making these changes will put me in a much better position to achieve my overall goal to be healthy.

Oh, and just for kicks -- one of my fave pics from back in the day . . . isn't he the cutest?! Totally a keeper! :-)

Let the Games Begin . . .

Well, I made it through one solid week of Insanity workouts, which made me feel amazing and I was already starting to see progress; but, I missed a day -- then two. Now it's been three days since I last did the Insanity workout. This makes me feel bad, depressed and like a loser. BUT, instead of trying to get back on the wagon, I'm moping.

My husband has been dutifully working out to the Insanity videos for the last 5 or so weeks, and his results are amazing. I'm looking at his results, and I still can't make my butt workout. 

My hubby's been great, too -- he's not been pressuring me to participate, but is encouraging in very considerate and sweet ways. Tonight, for example, he did his workout, we had dinner and, knowing that I always say exercise makes me feel better/happier, he even offered to wash the dishes so I could take the dog for a quick walk and shake off my bad mood. BUT, instead of taking him up on it, I chose to mope (and have a cup of hot freakin' chocolate).

I am -- clearly -- my own worst enemy. I know this. Honestly, it's like I'm putting up my own roadblocks. I honestly don't know what it's going to take to make me stick to something. And, boy, is it cyclical . . . let me show you, and you tell me if this sounds familiar . . .

ARRRGGH!!! I am so frustrated with myself -- which makes me feel badly/worse about myself -- which then makes me mopey -- which makes me want to curl up and go to sleep -- and to eat -- which then makes me frustrated -- which then makes me feel badly/worse about myself . . .  and, so on . . . you get the picture.

This battle is not Kate vs. Food . . . this is Kate vs. Kate.

A Larger Purpose?

Just a couple of days ago, I was legitimately terrified to create this blog, and even more terrified to actually share the address with anyone. But, I knew that all my efforts would be futile if no one read the blog. So, I took a deep breathe, pushed 'publish' and then emailed my family members and a select group of girl friends with the blog address.  And, I waited. . .

Amazingly, I didn't have to wait long.  Almost immediately words of encouragement, support and love came from friends and family. They reached out through email, text and social media to congratulate me on my commitment and courage to make such a public proclamation. 

I feel so truly blessed to have such wonderful friends and family. THANK YOU!!

But, more than the support, I was touched by the number of people that came back and said that my words had struck a chord with them; that they completely understood where I was coming from; and that my actions had motivated them to improve their fitness/wellness too.  I love the idea that my blogging and my struggles may help someone else -- not to mention, such responsibility is a great incentive to keep to the 'plan' and achieve my goal.  Hooray for unintended consequences!!

Now that I know I am not alone on my journey . . .

THE CHALLENGE

I am making the further commitment to run/walk 1 {yes, just one} night a week from now until the end of February, 2012. And, I would love to have a group of people join me out on a local trail {hint, hint}.

To sweeten the deal (or maybe as a straight bribe), I'm offering a free mini-photo session to anyone who does the following:

1. Show up to run/walk on Night 1 and write down (and turn in) your goal and biggest challenge/weakness;
2. Agree to have a BEFORE photo taken before you run/walk. No photoshop; and
3. Attend at least 50% of the run/walk meetings between now and the end of February, 2012.

Complete each and all of the above requirements, and I will gladly gift to you a 30 minute mini-session as a reward for your stick-to-it-ness and hard work!

THE FINE PRINT

By participating in the challenge, you also agree to allow me to post your before image on this blog, along with your name (or a pseudonym) and your goal. I will not post your weight, and I will also post a before image of myself, too. 

Mini-session = max 30 minutes, and 10 edited images on DVD. Mini-session is only for participants, not families or children. Your spouse can be included in your session only if your spouse participates in the challenge, too.

THE MEET UP

If you're interested in participating in the challenge, I'll be posting meeting location information on Facebook -- the group name is Motiv8 Meet Up -- you'll have to request to join the group, but once you're accepted, you'll be able to view the meet up locations and share comments with other group members! If you're not on Facebook, or if you can't find the group, leave a comment and your email address and I'll be sure to get the information to you.  :-)

Oh, and feel free to spread the word or bring a friend . . . ;-)

Motivate Kate

THE STORY

For lots of years, I have struggled with my weight. Probably since the age of 10, I have been cognizant of my size. I come from a health-conscious and active family, but have always been the "creative" one and not the athlete. That's not to say I've never been athletic. . .all though my early years I was a swimmer, and sporadically throughout my adulthood, I've been a runner. Right now, I am a couch potato and computer addict.

I have always weighed more than my friends -- even at my smallest/fittest -- I was heavier than I looked. It seems that, for some reason, 154 pounds on me, looks more like 135 pounds on you. . .go figure. I think this is one reason why my weight has gotten so out of hand . . . Because, you see, for the longest time, I'd tell people what I weighed, and -- whether they were being polite or honest, they would say -- "well, you surely don't look like you weigh xxx." And, maybe I didn't -- but, it left me feeling like I didn't really look as heavy as I was -- and, as long as I didn't look fat, then I wasn't fat -- right? WRONG.

So, the wake up call? I am a professional photographer, which means, I'm usually TAKING the photos and, lucky for me, I'm rarely in the photos . . . until a couple of weeks ago at my niece's first birthday party. Someone took a family photo, and 'CLICK' there it was -- me -- at my heaviest. Ick. I knew I had gotten fat, but it wasn't until that photo that I realized just HOW fat I'd gotten. My thighs are really what did me in. I have always loved my legs, and generally, they've always been shapely -- but not HUGE.  Yeah, well, now, they're HUGE. And, not in that, it's all muscle b/c I'm a runner sort of way. They're huge in that I-have-elephant-thighs sort of way. NOT COOL.  Don't believe me? See for yourself (I'm on the far left, green shirt [duh]):

Honestly, this photo just makes me sad. I realized in seeing it that I have totally lost control of myself. I have lost perspective, and failed to put myself and my well-being first. Even now, I'm making excuses in my head for why I can't lose weight. I'm so busy; I have to clean the house; I have to edit client photos; I have to feed my husband . . . And, you know what? I do have to do all of those things, and I will.  But, I also have to do this: I have to tell you (the great big bad internet) that I've finally made a commitment to me. To my life. To my well-being. And, ultimately, to my happiness. 

THE GOAL

For now, I guess a goal is a good place to start.

I don't feel the need to publicly state my start weight. I realize that most people will say that's the best way to motivate and track progress, but frankly, I don't want to tell you. So, let's just say that first, short-term goal is to lose 30 pounds by my 32nd birthday (in February). That's not my ultimate goal, but I feel like it's a solid starting place and a reasonable timeframe.

THE PLAN

At least one workout daily -- 6 days a week, 30+ minutes a day.

Max 2 cups of coffee, one diet soda per day and PLENTY of water (I never drink enough water).

Focus on getting more veggies into meals and portion control.

Less convenience eating (bring my lunch, don't eat fast food).

Blog it -- as often as possible, but never instead of a workout!

TRACKING THE PROGRESS

Let's use the family photo (posted above) as my BEFORE photo.  As I mentioned, I'm a professional photographer and I love photography.  I assure you, there will be more photos to come -- plus, it seems that I need the visual reminder/wake-up call.

THE PLEA

I can't do this by myself. I have tried. I have failed. This is why I am taking to the blogosphere.  I need YOU.

I need y'all to be my cheering squad.  Ready to provide a little encouragement, but capable of calling me out and getting me back on track.  Please don't tell me that I shouldn't do this or that I don't need to do this. I know you're being kind, but that kind of talk is bad for me -- because I believe you (or want to at least). Be a friend. Leave your story. Commiserate. Gripe. Encourage. Be truthful, but kind.

Honestly, I'm not sure yet how this blog will take shape (no pun intended) but what I do know is that I desperately need it, and I need you.

Because there is no day like today. Right, friends?  Let's Motivate Kate. :-)